A millionth, of a millionth chance of winning the lottery

2011 Started in race gear in my life, I think I will only be able to say if this was either an exceptionally good start or an exceptionally bad start for a year. In general I’m a bit of a control freak, but more of a planner. One of my strongest beliefs are to live life to fullest, I know about 90% of the people in the world claim this saying, but there is about 10% of us that really do it.

Here is a breakdown of my racing gear; I was recently laid off at work due to budget constraints. I have heard that changing jobs is on the top ten lists of most stressful incidents, so I am assuming that being laid off is rated even higher maybe in the top three. All of a sudden I was thrown in the deep end with lawyers fighting with someone I used to trust so deeply. Our work was such an intense, emotionally driven project, growing his passion, I used to do sport development, that it was a mind shift I had to make within hours that he is not worthy of my trust anymore. I do not make enemies, instead I make friends very quickly and trust is something that comes and is accepted generally easy in my life. People is one of my talents, if I can claim something as general as this. I think the people the closest in your life is family, lovers and employees. Now intensify your closest people and imagine getting involved with them legally within hours. To intensify this situation, I also have the intense guilt of the company making a loss… Was it my fault that the company is being liquidated? Is it my fault as manager that my boss had to bid farewell to his lifelong dream? Eventough logic screams that it is not my fault, I am still entitled sub consciously to doubt my rationale, or aren’t I?

The second aspect of my racing gear, is the fact that I have met someone that scares every cell in my body, not because he is fearful or scary, because I fear the moment in the end where is not in my life anymore. I have met someone that compliments every core essence of who I am, not only does he fulfill and compliment who I am, he takes my package and enhance the value I add to this world. I have not been this intimate with someone in my life before. I have not had so much butterflies and goosebumps ever before, I miss him even if he is only thirty meters away from me. With my current uncertainties in my life, it is unbelievable to reiterate and to experience certainties in the aspect of my life that was always the biggest uncertainty. My work was always my biggest certainty and currently it is my biggest uncertainty.

Last night he asked me, what is the odds of me meeting someone that compliments every aspect of who I am? I answered with absolute certainty: “The chance is a millionth, of a millionth of someone winning the national lottery”