Dating Post Mortem

On my quest to become more sensible, I have made the following changes in my life up to date:
1. I have quit smoking
2. I only social once a week at our local pub (the management sent me a Facebook message yesterday asking when they can expect to see me again)
3. I am de-toxing in my life, shedding the layers that drag me down instead of protect me

When I broke-up with Marco Polo last week, I gave him the traditional comment that I would like to still be friends, except in his case I really meant it. A no-communication-week followed, thereafter he called me to finalize some freelance work he is still doing for our company, concern-alert: he was very short and abrupt. After having a very emotional and forward week with the de-tox smoking arrangement, I decided that I am going to tell him that I really would be pleased if we can become friends.

The following is a breakdown of our debriefing discussion:

Marco Polo believed that I have a fear of relationships. He asked me if I am ruled by the heart or the head, here comes the problem, if you have been on the dating scene for the extreme amount of time that I have been around, you realize that although meeting your prince in shining armor sounds all too romantic and fuzzy, the truth is that being ruled by the heart only opens one for heart-ache. He believed that love will find you, instead of you finding love. My perspective is more along the lines that: God has already identified my perfect husband, but me dating only helps Him.

He beliefs that the silent listener at a social, is the most powerful person in the room and has more influence than the loud, extroverted person. (THAT’S ME!) He strives to be quieter in a conversation/social with friends, but battles due to his highly outgoing personality. He beliefs I’m only analytical, when I’m distressed or insecure, but it is more an adopted personality trait, he beliefs that I’m more genetically composed to be happy-go-lucky than analytical (even though I belief it is not mere opposites)

He asked me what fear is and what is security in a relationship? Fear in my mind is a negative emotion that we have coupled with a past experience. You can only have a fear of heights if something negative has happened to you. You can only fear relationships if you have had your heartbroken before.

This blog entry is more a reflection on our intense conversation last night, than a story I’m telling. I wonder if I will look back on this a few years from now – and what will be my response:

“Geez, Marco Polo was one intelligent chap” or “Was I really that kind of a person at a stage?” or “I can really be a good actress, if I want to be”

Our intense discussion was climaxed with a traditional Marco Polo home cooked meal, he asked me to dish up for myself, clear shock followed on my behalf. You have to understand that Marco Polo is the ultimate control-freak and he used to dish up for me.

His smooth comment was: “It is a perk honored for my girl friend, everybody else can dish up for themselves” NOW the questions rampaged through my blonde brain:
• Is it really a treat for a girl if a guy decides what she is allowed to eat by dishing up for her?
• Was I really his girlfriend?