Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are younot to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Monday, January 17, 2011

A millionth, of a millionth chance of winning the lottery


2011 Started in race gear in my life, I think I will only be able to say if this was either an exceptionally good start or an exceptionally bad start for a year. In general I’m a bit of a control freak, but more of a planner. One of my strongest beliefs are to live life to fullest, I know about 90% of the people in the world claim this saying, but there is about 10% of us that really do it.

Here is a breakdown of my racing gear; I was recently laid off at work due to budget constraints. I have heard that changing jobs is on the top ten lists of most stressful incidents, so I am assuming that being laid off is rated even higher maybe in the top three. All of a sudden I was thrown in the deep end with lawyers fighting with someone I used to trust so deeply. Our work was such an intense, emotionally driven project, growing his passion, I used to do sport development, that it was a mind shift I had to make within hours that he is not worthy of my trust anymore. I do not make enemies, instead I make friends very quickly and trust is something that comes and is accepted generally easy in my life. People is one of my talents, if I can claim something as general as this. I think the people the closest in your life is family, lovers and employees. Now intensify your closest people and imagine getting involved with them legally within hours. To intensify this situation, I also have the intense guilt of the company making a loss… Was it my fault that the company is being liquidated? Is it my fault as manager that my boss had to bid farewell to his lifelong dream? Eventough logic screams that it is not my fault, I am still entitled sub consciously to doubt my rationale, or aren’t I?

The second aspect of my racing gear, is the fact that I have met someone that scares every cell in my body, not because he is fearful or scary, because I fear the moment in the end where is not in my life anymore. I have met someone that compliments every core essence of who I am, not only does he fulfill and compliment who I am, he takes my package and enhance the value I add to this world. I have not been this intimate with someone in my life before. I have not had so much butterflies and goosebumps ever before, I miss him even if he is only thirty meters away from me. With my current uncertainties in my life, it is unbelievable to reiterate and to experience certainties in the aspect of my life that was always the biggest uncertainty. My work was always my biggest certainty and currently it is my biggest uncertainty.

Last night he asked me, what is the odds of me meeting someone that compliments every aspect of who I am? I answered with absolute certainty: “The chance is a millionth, of a millionth of someone winning the national lottery”

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Mirror, Mirror on the wall....


For my birthday celebration, I decided to join my family for a holiday in our holiday home in Mozambique. Mozambique is one of the little unknown treasures on the Africa continent. In the south of Moz it is almost this little island, I am talking about white soft sand beaches, coconut trees, wide beaches complimented with the rough green mountain hills. As this area is still very, very rural, there is no roads, only thick sand tracks (ideal spot for quad lovers) no commercial stores or businesses, only local pubs and free market trading. The town is only situated 10 kilometers from the border, but it is literally a different world from South Africa.

It was the full Oberholzer family on the trip, including my one brother’s girlfriend and my other brother’s friend Hibertus. I am particularly close with my brothers and with every given situation for us to create new memories we would grasp the opportunity with enthusiasm. Upon my arrival I informed them that the plan of action for my four day holiday is as follows: We will go out on day one, as it is my birthday the following day, we would go out on my birthday and we will celebrate the last night cause it is our last night in Moz.

We started the holiday with a much deserved welcome drink at the ocean. Our welcome cocktail almost went south, due to limited drink measurement cups in Africa. To illustrate the lack of measurement cups, the first place we ordered four of their local drinks, Rum and Rasberry sodas, the bartender emptied one standard 750ml of rum for our four drinks. Yeah – their lack of business skils in Moz clearly illustrate the reason for the extreme poverty in Moz. I bought elastics for my hair at the local market, when I travel in Africa, I make a point of supporting the local vendors, to assist with local economic development. The vendor informed me that the elastics are R5 each or R25 for a bag of at least 20 elastics. This did not make any business sense irrespectively of how you look at it. I was approached by one of the local street hawkers selling sunglasses, he price started at R150 a pair of sunglasses, with a bit of negotiation I bought the sunglasses for R50.

To get back to our story of day one, we started with the poisonous Fernando Rum and Rasberry’s, causing a sudden influx of alcohol in our bloodstream, which resulted in an increase of the braveness levels in my brothers and also maybe a bit of stupidism, this resulted in increased negotiations with local pub owners and managers. We ordered two drinks each at the last place, one of the waiters approached my younger (the more liberal and extroverted brothers) offered him a bribe to demolish the bill for the evening. Taken into account that we were the only people in the pub, he was willing to write-off the account for a small under the table settlement, bad, bad business skills. My brother being the absolute crazy one he is, grabbed the bribe offer with both hands. As we left the owner stopped us and told us that we still have to pay the bill. The younger brother called the bribe waiter, but naturally the bribe waiter denied any mention of the bribe, the older brother offered to settle the bill as any normal sensible adult would do, the younger brother’s level of adrenaline increased with each offer of the older brother paying the bill and the bribe waiter denying the bribe. The result was both brothers were very upset with each other.
Upon meeting up with my parents, they both wanted to know what the story with my brothers was. I informed my dad of the situation, after explaining the situation to him, I asked him what the story sounded like?

The one brother bribed and the other brother was fighting for the truth, this was my father split in half, he won’t think twice before bribing a traffic cop for a reduced fine, but except for the occasional bribe he is the ultimate pioneer and ambassador for the truth and anything that goes along with it. The bottom-line of the story is, we are the mirror of our parents, and we unintentionally emanate the good and the bad qualities of our folks. We watch them and subconsciously decide which and when we will portray who and what they are. Children are the mirrors of the adults.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My motivational Speech For Myself




I challenge you to write a motivational speech for yourself, here is mine:

You are Nadia,
you are the person that got business deals that was impossible to get…
You grew a sport that is impossible to grow in South Africa…
you have someone that has been loving you for the past seven years through everything… you have a best friend that is so supportive…
you have already proved yourself to your boss…
you have a GOD that gives you little gifts daily…
your living arrangements have sorted itself out….
You are highly emotional, but you have to capitalize on it and not hide it from the world…
you taught yourself how to play saxophone, one of the most difficult instruments to play,
you see people for who they are,
you have the strongest sixth sense, the sixth sense protects you from hurting;
you have given people hope, where there was no hope…
your playing small does not serve the world!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dating Post Mortem


On my quest to become more sensible, I have made the following changes in my life up to date:
1. I have quit smoking
2. I only social once a week at our local pub (the management sent me a Facebook message yesterday asking when they can expect to see me again)
3. I am de-toxing in my life, shedding the layers that drag me down instead of protect me

When I broke-up with Marco Polo last week, I gave him the traditional comment that I would like to still be friends, except in his case I really meant it. A no-communication-week followed, thereafter he called me to finalize some freelance work he is still doing for our company, concern-alert: he was very short and abrupt. After having a very emotional and forward week with the de-tox smoking arrangement, I decided that I am going to tell him that I really would be pleased if we can become friends.

The following is a breakdown of our debriefing discussion:

Marco Polo believed that I have a fear of relationships. He asked me if I am ruled by the heart or the head, here comes the problem, if you have been on the dating scene for the extreme amount of time that I have been around, you realize that although meeting your prince in shining armor sounds all too romantic and fuzzy, the truth is that being ruled by the heart only opens one for heart-ache. He believed that love will find you, instead of you finding love. My perspective is more along the lines that: God has already identified my perfect husband, but me dating only helps Him.

He beliefs that the silent listener at a social, is the most powerful person in the room and has more influence than the loud, extroverted person. (THAT’S ME!) He strives to be quieter in a conversation/social with friends, but battles due to his highly outgoing personality. He beliefs I’m only analytical, when I’m distressed or insecure, but it is more an adopted personality trait, he beliefs that I’m more genetically composed to be happy-go-lucky than analytical (even though I belief it is not mere opposites)

He asked me what fear is and what is security in a relationship? Fear in my mind is a negative emotion that we have coupled with a past experience. You can only have a fear of heights if something negative has happened to you. You can only fear relationships if you have had your heartbroken before.

This blog entry is more a reflection on our intense conversation last night, than a story I’m telling. I wonder if I will look back on this a few years from now – and what will be my response:

“Geez, Marco Polo was one intelligent chap” or “Was I really that kind of a person at a stage?” or “I can really be a good actress, if I want to be”

Our intense discussion was climaxed with a traditional Marco Polo home cooked meal, he asked me to dish up for myself, clear shock followed on my behalf. You have to understand that Marco Polo is the ultimate control-freak and he used to dish up for me.

His smooth comment was: “It is a perk honored for my girl friend, everybody else can dish up for themselves” NOW the questions rampaged through my blonde brain:
Is it really a treat for a girl if a guy decides what she is allowed to eat by dishing up for her?
• Was I really his girlfriend?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Karma “Biatch” Slap


Being in a relationship/dating-ship or friendship with benefits that is not blessed from God will have the following symptoms:
• There is very little momentum and magical moments
• You just battle to communicate or even arrange for things to do together
My opinion anyways! I could remember with the one guy that I dated in the beginning of this year, things were smooth… we would sit around at his place and I would suggest to do a short hike, twenty minutes later we would create the most unforgettable memories. This was spontaneous from both parties. Marco Polo was sticky, we have already touched the subject of the Five Languages of Love, I’m the time person, and I dislike grand gestures or constant public affection. Spend time with you and your share prices grow quicker than Zimbabwe inflation.

Last week I opted to instead go out with some friends instead of spending time with him, instant red flag… caused I liked this guy, but I just had the need to spend time with friends instead. My weekend starter is a rom-com DVD at home, while watching The Ugly Truth on Friday afternoon, What is your weekend starter?
One of my five armed response guards called to check-in on the Marco Polo-situation, I thanked him and decided that this was the answer I needed… I then called Marco Polo to inform him that I think we should rather just be friends.

The rest of the weekend was very relaxing following this conversation, I once heard that every girl is the relationship she created, now, now, ladies – if you are experiencing any of the following emotions:
• Insecurity
• Self-doubt
• The need for constant reminders that he likes you
According to The Ugly Truth and my Marco Polo stories, chances are: “He is not that into you” you will do yourself a tremendous favor by exiting, running or breaking it…

Given the tremendous self-esteem boost I got from that, I once again considered breaking one of my longest, most-forgiving lover’s relationships – my habit of smoking.

While I was considering it, I had an epiphany karma moment; I received an sms from my father, informing me that my mother has started smoking. Both of my parents have never smoked, both of them are in the medical industry, hence can you just imagine my sheer shock when I found out that she has started smoking?

I started smoking to rebel against them, now I have to quit in order to rebel against her…

Quitting smoking is similar to walking away from a bad boyfriend. You realize you have reached your sell-by date, you just have to bid farewell to your irresponsible, but fun little visits together.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Heart Guards


In South Africa, we do have a problem with crime; but the upside of the crime problem is that South Africans are taught to be street smart and have a perspective of mindfulness in our daily routine. We select various methodologies to ensure that our life is not exposed to crime. We stay in security complexes, we have good insurance and we employ the services of an armed response unit. You attend self defense courses; you do not stop at dodgy traffic lights after nine p.m. and you own pepper spray.

It is the trade-off you have to make if you stay in South Africa, but the brilliant, beautiful truth is, we have South Africa. One of the most awesome, beautiful opportunistic countries in the world! Our lifestyle are relatively affordable, you can travel less than an hour to a stunning, breath-taking country side if you would like to unwind, we have the big five and the people here is awesome, we are warm and generous.

When you sign up for an armed response, you read through their marketing material, knowing that you are protected, come what may, if you make the call you will have at least five, trained, strong men by your side to fight off the tsotsi’s (criminals)… If I take so much drastic measures to ensure the safety of the physical and my assets, what kind of protection can I offer to my heart?

Most initial relationships, offer some sort of security, either in terms of him leaving a pair of sneakers at your place, or a far off future appointment together, or the introduction to friends/parents. But you do have a bit of security.
My historical Prince Charming, asked me to be his girlfriend on our second date, on the Monday we changed our Facebook status, it did give some sort of security. I am not seeing it with Marco Polo, last night I told my friends the stories, and I asked them I wanted my bit of armed response unit with my heart? Or a burglar bar to protect myself?

“This is life, Nadia. You win some, you lose some. If you are dating you always know there is a 50/50 chance that things might work out or things might end. The best you can do is giving everything, so if it doesn’t work out, you can exit without any guilt.”

After my short pep talk, I realized I did have burglar bars and an armed response unit, my five best friends in the world that would be there to protect me if I fall…

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Baggage or Luggage


I salute my mom for selecting my name, the story goes, that she was watching a documentary on the life of Nadia Comaneci the world famous gymnast that scored the first ever recorded perfect 10 at the Olympics. In the climax of the documentary, as she scored the perfect ten, my highly emotional pregnant mom felt me kicking her in her belly, and you guessed it – she decided my name must be Nadia. Nadia means hope and is Arabic.

During most of the “Getting to know you” phases in any dating relationship I have been, I have told this story with loads of passion and pride. I told the story to Marco Polo, and he very casually noted that there are plenty of Nadia girls claiming this story… FAIL

The question rose – “Why are you still single?” My highly intelligent and experienced intellectual stimulus informs me at this point, something is coming. It is either one of the following options:
A. He wants to flirt
B. He wants to establish if I have any serious issues
C. He wants to share his serious issues

Usually the conversation diverts to either Option A or B naturally; if he responds with a casual “Ok” you know you have to return the question, to enquire about his serious issues. Marco Polo’s response was “Ok”, I did the responsible thing and ordered another round of shots, then after my courage influx asked his question back to him.

“I was married for a year, her name is Nadia” Problem is, I was really starting to like this evasive young man, “You are welcome to run, Nadia” I looked down at my stirlling silver shoes, weighed my options and decided “These shoes aren’t made for running”

Two weeks later, I realized the intense hurt and heartbrokenness he must have experienced. I asked him about, the moment he started feeling the healing.
The flood doors opened up, he told me the intense story, sparing me no details. The beauty of the story is, he opened the flood doors, pondering on the subject for at least four hours, there after he told me the moment he felt healed and it was the end of the subject. I recalled the other bruised little doves I have dated in the past, we would share this awesome romantic moment together and this heavenly moment would spark a moment of Ex-Files. PASSION KILLER 101. These Ex-Files was only dating, never married.

Following the intense Ex-Files episode, we went ice skating, I used the time to analyze his story, I had an epiphany. Dating someone that has just escaped Psycho Ex (have you ever wondered why you never meet these Psychos first hand – you always just hear about them??) could have more baggage, than someone that gracefully exited a marriage and he only keeps luggage - Wonderful relationship experience, baggage something that slows you down on an airport.